OKStupid Chronicles #3: Get the hint!

Every now and again, I will get a message from someone that I'm not really interested in ever talking to. So, to be respectful, I don't respond, and go on with my day. Some guys, however, do not understand that concept. That is when we get fun ones like this.

I wouldn't say 'afraid' so much as 'I don't even want to look at your profile because your photo makes you look like such a douchebag'. I thought Myspace angles died with Myspace. 

How about the fact that you started out overconfident and I didn't respond so you tried again for the same result? I think I may have gotten one other message from the same guy, but it probably would have been similar to this one.

I'm really more of an OKC creeper than anything else - if you go into online dating, especially free online dating, thinking that you'll get anything meaningful out of it, you should really rethink your life. Especially your life on the Internet.

And guys, if you decide to message some random girl, BE SMART ABOUT IT. Complement her, use a complete sentence! Punctuation is your friend! Talk to her like you'd want her to talk to you. It doesn't have to be a horrible experience if you don't want it to be.

Unless you're me. Then, your OKCupid inbox is always a horrible experience.

OKStupid Chronicles #2: Bad pickup lines DO NOT WORK.

Some of my biggest pet peeves about guys on OKCupid is the lame one-liner messages that I read and wonder who falls for. I would probably have to take my shoes and socks off to count how many messages I've received that just read "nice tats" or want to talk about my tattoos, not about anything my profile has to offer. Just like last week, let me share these wonderful communications with you, and we can discuss:

I can't believe shit like this works on anybody. And no, for reference, my parents are retired from the USPS. This comes in a close second to the guy that decided to start our conversation by calling me "sweetie". Yeah, that doesn't get you real far, either. 

I really have no idea what the point of this message was at all. If dude wanted to tell me all about how much he likes music from the 80's and 90's, that would be one thing, but did he really think this would garner a response from a real, human woman?

... The sad thing is, it probably has.

I would also really like to know what about my profile makes these guys think I'm some sort of total freak who is into all of these weird things. Just because I have a few tattoos, that must make them think that I am some kind of sexual deviant. Too bad I'm not and if they think I am, they will be sorely disappointed.

Unfortunately, I didn't respond to these messages, either. 

OKStupid Chronicles #1 - No, really - WTF?

This is an idea I had months ago, but it took that long for me to get over myself and just do it.

I have an OKCupid account. There, I said it. I'm getting better with the idea, especially because it isn't as taboo now as it was years ago. I met my last two (disappointing) boyfriends that way, and at this point, I know I'm not gonna meet anybody decent. I just maintain the account to see what kind of crazy messages I get. And the first one I want to share is a real doozy.

I'm just going to post it first (I've been keeping these for months), and react accordingly. Most of these dudes cancelled their accounts shortly after messaging me.

The first thing that infuriated me was the grammar. And spelling. And misuse of capitalization (and by 'misuse' I mean 'not using'). 

After I read it, I audibly laughed out loud and could do nothing but just say "what the fuck?!" over and over and over. I get these kinds of messages from total weirdos all the time, but this one really took the cake. 

I don't know why I didn't respond back to him - probably something to do with the aforementioned reasons, as well as the whole him asking me to pee on him and use a strap on on him... without even telling me his name. There are so many things that can be said about a guy that will tell you about his absolute craziest fantasties without even sharing his name... but I think I summed it up with my initial response. Knowing his name wouldn't have helped his case whatsoever. Stay classy, dudes of OKCupid.