Women Connect: I Don’t Know How to Make Friends

Now, admittedly, this is a little silly, but true. 

For most of my life, I have had one or two good friends. Even though I don’t see them every day, I know they will always be with me (since we do have some miles separating us). But do you know what I’m missing? Friends I can actually hang out with and see on a regular basis. 

Part of it is my fault, I’m sure – I’m very much a homebody, someone who likes to make things, watch movies, and things like that. There are many people who can do this as well as having a burgeoning group of friends. 

As a kid, I suffered from social anxiety. I didn’t really want to be around people, and thus didn’t have a whole lot of friends like everybody else. As I grew up, I grew out of it, but I think the scars are still there.

Does that make me weird? Probably. The funny part about all of this is I actually really love people, I just don’t know how to meet them and build up the great relationships it seems like everyone has but me.

A few years ago, I thought I had a lot of friends… except these were only people I saw at the bar once a week, who never talked to me outside of it. Now that I don’t go to the bar nearly as often, it’s like I don’t exist. And if that’s the case, I feel okay about it. Someone told me the difference between ‘bar friends’ and ‘real friends’ once. And until you’ve lived it for yourself, it doesn’t make any sense. But let me tell you, there is a marked difference between the two. 

I don’t exactly know how I wound up in this place. Maybe it was too many years of being introverted and wanting to make things more than wanting to go out. And in a lot of ways, that’s what it feels like. 

I may not have many friends, but I have a lot to be thankful for in that I have a good job, business, family, and pets who I absolutely love. But that’s not all I need. Of course, there are a lot of successful people who don’t have a lot of friends but have a successful life. I think I would fit into this group.

When most people want to get out and meet people here in Wisconsin, they go to the bar. But where are you supposed to go when you’re over the bar life? How do you have those magic moments with people and wind up with lifelong friends? That’s what I’m trying to figure out.

Women Connect: The Types of Blogger I’m Not

   

I’ve had a particular idea for a blog post in the back of my mind for awhile now, and it comes to the forefront now and again, when I don’t expect it. When I read about From Mrs. to Mama’s Women Connect writing project last night, I thought it would be the perfect time to put my thoughts together.

When I started my blog, now almost two years ago, I looked at a lot of the other, bigger blogs for inspiration. I saw a lot of beautiful photos, perfect outfits, perfect families and perfect lives. While I knew that it was very far from the person I was, I decided to throw my hat in the ring and try my hand at this whole blogging thing, my way. What they don’t tell you is how frustrating it can be. To look at all of these beautiful things, and then at your own life and your own home, knowing that that will never be you, is frustrating. Looking at your own blog every day, seeing the number of followers is the same as it ever has been and being excited to hit a hundred views in a day, is a little bit frustrating because you know that it could be so much better, if you could only figure out how to be as popular as everyone else. 

It all seems easy – write about your life, post photos of your home, your outfits every day, everything. But it isn’t. Sometimes, it is so difficult to come up with a good post idea that hasn’t been done a hundred times before. I have always been someone who plays life close to the chest – I don’t reveal much of anything to anybody unless they ask. I’m working on it, though. I’m not a person who puts a whole lot of weight on what I wear every day, so I haven’t ever made an outfit post and may not ever. That and my clothes don’t really matter to me. It’s just clothes, nothing else. So when I wear the same jeans two or three days in a row, the same boots every day in a week, and tops I have either thrifted or have had for five years, it doesn’t seem exciting enough to post. 

So, to be honest, I am still trying to figure out where I fit in the blogosphere. I read something kind of funny the other day on Hipstercrite, relating to ‘throwing her hands up and becoming a fashion blogger’. And I totally understand where she’s coming from! Every ‘fashion blog’ I have ever seen is just that. Photos of random girls in outfits with a tagline saying where all their clothes are from and how much they cost. Perfectly made up, perfectly put together. It isn’t hard to do, I’m sure; it just feels a little bit contrived. 

When I sit and think of all of the bloggers I’m not, the list is fairly short. 

I am not a fashion blogger.

I do not have a perfect home. 

I do not have a perfect husband or children. I’m not sure I even want children.

And I don’t feel like everyone else.

I’m not blindingly happy every day of my life, and I don’t think I ever will be. 

All I can do is live the best life I can, and write it as I see fit. Imperfections included.