Women Connect: I Don’t Know How to Make Friends

Now, admittedly, this is a little silly, but true. 

For most of my life, I have had one or two good friends. Even though I don’t see them every day, I know they will always be with me (since we do have some miles separating us). But do you know what I’m missing? Friends I can actually hang out with and see on a regular basis. 

Part of it is my fault, I’m sure – I’m very much a homebody, someone who likes to make things, watch movies, and things like that. There are many people who can do this as well as having a burgeoning group of friends. 

As a kid, I suffered from social anxiety. I didn’t really want to be around people, and thus didn’t have a whole lot of friends like everybody else. As I grew up, I grew out of it, but I think the scars are still there.

Does that make me weird? Probably. The funny part about all of this is I actually really love people, I just don’t know how to meet them and build up the great relationships it seems like everyone has but me.

A few years ago, I thought I had a lot of friends… except these were only people I saw at the bar once a week, who never talked to me outside of it. Now that I don’t go to the bar nearly as often, it’s like I don’t exist. And if that’s the case, I feel okay about it. Someone told me the difference between ‘bar friends’ and ‘real friends’ once. And until you’ve lived it for yourself, it doesn’t make any sense. But let me tell you, there is a marked difference between the two. 

I don’t exactly know how I wound up in this place. Maybe it was too many years of being introverted and wanting to make things more than wanting to go out. And in a lot of ways, that’s what it feels like. 

I may not have many friends, but I have a lot to be thankful for in that I have a good job, business, family, and pets who I absolutely love. But that’s not all I need. Of course, there are a lot of successful people who don’t have a lot of friends but have a successful life. I think I would fit into this group.

When most people want to get out and meet people here in Wisconsin, they go to the bar. But where are you supposed to go when you’re over the bar life? How do you have those magic moments with people and wind up with lifelong friends? That’s what I’m trying to figure out.