OKStupid Chronicles #2: Bad pickup lines DO NOT WORK.

Some of my biggest pet peeves about guys on OKCupid is the lame one-liner messages that I read and wonder who falls for. I would probably have to take my shoes and socks off to count how many messages I've received that just read "nice tats" or want to talk about my tattoos, not about anything my profile has to offer. Just like last week, let me share these wonderful communications with you, and we can discuss:

I can't believe shit like this works on anybody. And no, for reference, my parents are retired from the USPS. This comes in a close second to the guy that decided to start our conversation by calling me "sweetie". Yeah, that doesn't get you real far, either. 

I really have no idea what the point of this message was at all. If dude wanted to tell me all about how much he likes music from the 80's and 90's, that would be one thing, but did he really think this would garner a response from a real, human woman?

... The sad thing is, it probably has.

I would also really like to know what about my profile makes these guys think I'm some sort of total freak who is into all of these weird things. Just because I have a few tattoos, that must make them think that I am some kind of sexual deviant. Too bad I'm not and if they think I am, they will be sorely disappointed.

Unfortunately, I didn't respond to these messages, either. 

OKStupid Chronicles #1 - No, really - WTF?

This is an idea I had months ago, but it took that long for me to get over myself and just do it.

I have an OKCupid account. There, I said it. I'm getting better with the idea, especially because it isn't as taboo now as it was years ago. I met my last two (disappointing) boyfriends that way, and at this point, I know I'm not gonna meet anybody decent. I just maintain the account to see what kind of crazy messages I get. And the first one I want to share is a real doozy.

I'm just going to post it first (I've been keeping these for months), and react accordingly. Most of these dudes cancelled their accounts shortly after messaging me.

The first thing that infuriated me was the grammar. And spelling. And misuse of capitalization (and by 'misuse' I mean 'not using'). 

After I read it, I audibly laughed out loud and could do nothing but just say "what the fuck?!" over and over and over. I get these kinds of messages from total weirdos all the time, but this one really took the cake. 

I don't know why I didn't respond back to him - probably something to do with the aforementioned reasons, as well as the whole him asking me to pee on him and use a strap on on him... without even telling me his name. There are so many things that can be said about a guy that will tell you about his absolute craziest fantasties without even sharing his name... but I think I summed it up with my initial response. Knowing his name wouldn't have helped his case whatsoever. Stay classy, dudes of OKCupid.

Tattoo Stories #1

In attempting to keep things interesting around here, I had the idea the other day to pick a tattoo (of mine) on a weekly basis and write a story about it. A two-folded reason, really - it's a way for me to share a large part of my life, and also be more personal about my blog. If people dig it, I would love to open it up and have my readers tell their tattoo stories as well!

I felt like a great place to start is with my first. I got her about three days after turning eighteen, so she looks a little worse for the wear ten years later. I really need to get in and get my sleeve reworked and finished. The story is pretty simple, and like one I'm sure you've heard a thousand times before. I lost my grandma, someone I was very close with, at the age of fifteen, and haven't ever quite been the same since.

The night she died, I was angry at someone else and did not go up to see her. Little did I know, it would be my last opportunity to do so, and I feel like my heart broke even more when I was woken at about 3 AM to the news. It's not something that's easy to get over, and I will definitely always regret it, but it also taught me a lot of things - things like how short life is, and not to argue without a damn good reason anymore.

The basis for the original design was an Amy Brown art piece, called "Forget Me Not". I felt like it was an appropriate homage to my grandma, as we went to a small shop a few months before she passed and she purchased a print of the artwork. I had it on my wall for years, and from the point I received it, I knew it would be my first tattoo.

Since the original piece was finished, I extended it down to my right wrist and had some custom work done around it. I attempted to take a photo of what's there as of now, but I'm fairly certain I almost threw out my rotator cuff attempting.

While I'm thinking about it - have you started following An Epic Liz on bloglovin' yet? Also don't forget to Like on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/anepicliz! July is not too far away, and I would hate for you to miss out on posts! I'll do what I can to put up reminder posts between now and then so nobody forgets. :)

Check back next week for another of my tattoo stories!

Currently...

Reading: Pronto by Elmore Leonard. Since I've loved the series Justified (which is based off of Leonard's books) for at least a couple of seasons now, thanks to accidentally watching it on a knit-binge weekend, I always wanted to check out the books. Every time I went to the bookstore (either Half Price or a new bookstore), I could either not find any of his books, or didn't really have time to look. So when I finally found a copy of one of the Raylan Givens novels, I bit the bullet and picked it up. I am really enjoying it so far, and it is likely going to be the cause for a new Book Club Monday post, once I finish it!

Listening to: The Gaslight Anthem's 2012 album Handwritten is playing as I write this courtesy of Spotify. I tend to forget about certain bands or even that they have new music, since I get so comfortable with the music I like! There are a few that I will still pick up a hard copy of at a store on the day of release, but for the most part, I like my Premium Spotify subscription so I can catch a listen of most things. That, and my awful 90's music obsession has taken a turn for the worse - I have 90's radio stations on both Spotify and Pandora, and I'm not even mad about it! The best part has to be that I never knew how sexual most boy bands' music was back when I liked it - probably for the best.

Thinking about: How I need to make a change with some aspect of my life. I have a great job and a nice apartment, but I have really been thinking about meeting some new people. A big part of everyone's life is friends, and I don't have many in Milwaukee, though I have been here since about 2008. There are some good summer events coming up, though, so I hope that if I put myself out there enough, it will be for the best and I'll get to meet some new faces. It's a struggle, especially as an adult in a city where I only have work friends, but I am going to do my best with it for once, instead of just clamming up and not feeling good about myself because of it. Can't know if you don't try!

Eating: Every day when I get home from work, I have to have flatbread or pita and hummus. It is probably my favorite snack as of late, and I'm almost out of hummus so it's good that I have to go to the store in a couple of days!

Watching: I got another free 3 months of HBO thanks to U-Verse, so I re-upped it to watch the new True Blood season. With that, however, comes use of their On Demand channel, so I've been watching some documentaries and newer movies, as well.

Loving: My sleazy new aviator sunglasses! They make me look hilarious. I have a great habit of smashing every pair of sunglasses I've owned the past few years. Whether accidentally breaking a stem off in a jacket pocket or breaking out lenses, I've done it all. Knowing I was going to be driving a lot this weekend, I decided to check out some of the junky ten dollar sunglasses Walgreens had to offer. I found this pair and brought them to the checkout, where the clerk told me they were buy one get one free! So I got these and a pair of black and mint colored plastic ones. I swear, it's the little things in life that get you by - sunglasses or not!