On writing.

Words have always meant the world to me. They have been my only friend, my solace, and my weapon when I needed one. Being able to write down my thoughts and feelings, even if only for my own eyes, has always brought me peace. In recent years, that peace has been disturbed and replaced with the turmoil of the worst creative block I have ever lived with.

Growing up, I always carried pen and paper with me. If I needed to jot down an idea that came into my head, I would refer to it later. I would refine and mold those ideas into something either spectacular or awful, though I was the only judge, since most of my works didn't reach the eyes of others until many years later.

I grew comfortable writing stories about other people - their struggles, their strife, their accomplishments. Writing someone else's story makes it very easy to forget your own, and unfortunately, I fell victim to that trap. While promoting the works of others, I forgot about myself.

At twenty-five years of age, I am now five years from my last nationally published writing work. Tonight, I broke out my paper portfolio and flipped through the pages, remembering how it felt every time I ran to a bookstore in search of one of my pieces. I would look through the magazine racks in calculation, looking for that fresh, crisp cover. Once I had it in my hands, I would flip through each and every page until reading my name. I didn't care about the editing or how my words may have changed. Seeing my name in something that reached beyond either my computer screen or shelf of notebooks was, and has always been, incredibly surreal. It has given me a sense of accomplishment unmatched by anything before or since. It has been everything to me.

For years, it was my identity. I was hungry to do more and be more, though continued to write humbling album and product reviews and sidebars. I grew complacent. Once in a great while, I would receive e-mail from an editor or reader praising my work, and even asking how I got where I was. It was both refreshing and inspiring, and I have always loved to share my experience with others.

Writing has never been easy for me, especially not emotionally. In recent years, I fell victim to the trap of not feeling good enough, not wanting to put myself out there in fear of ridicule or negativity. I have struggled since my last article was published in 2008 to shut off the part of my personality that has grown to need that validation.

Apparently, that switch is irrevocably broken.

In order to regain my comfort and focus, I opted to start at the beginning of my freelance writing career once again - AMP Magazine, based out of California. I picked up an interview for their upcoming issue, and will be working on that in the week to come. The familiarity of working with someone I grew used to as an editor, and the routine of a magazine I got to know very well makes me feel safe. I know what I'm doing, as I've done the same thing many times prior.

Not long after taking on this project, I sent off an e-mail to a fellow freelancer about taking part in a tattoo-related article she is working on for another publication - an article that has become near to my heart in the past weeks, certainly. Just this evening, I was on the receiving end of interview questions. Once it was finished, we planned upcoming collaborations, as well. Keep your eye on this space, as once I have more information I will be happy to give it.

Even if you give up on your story, your story will never give up on you. Don't get bored. Keep doing what you love, no matter what anyone, and most of all, your head tells you. Life life with head held high. Get rad and stay that way, it's the only way you'll survive.

Book Club Mondays: "The Haunting of Hill House"

While a great deal of the reading I do on a regular basis is new literature by younger writers, once and awhile I get the itch to read a classic. For horror fans, The Haunting of Hill House is definitely one of those books. It spurred two films - if you've seen The Haunting, this is the book it was based on. And yes, that scene where Owen Wilson gets his head taken off by the marble lion is still one of my favorite crappy horror moments.

The story centers around Dr. John Montague inviting four individuals to stay at Hill House, which is a haunted house Dr. Montague rents for the summer, and everything that happens caused by Hugh Crain, the original owner of the house. It is still hailed as one of the best literary ghost stories of the twentieth century, and for good reason. It explores fear in many different ways, including themes of possession, which aren't usually discussed in modern horror.

If you're one of the individuals that has only seen the films the book was based on, take a few hours of your life and read. The book, though old, has many characteristics that new horror doesn't - mostly, being one of the first explorations of psychological horror. As you read, you feel Eleanor, the main character, being pulled farther and farther away from the others, and very nearly possessed by the house itself.

Hey... is this thing on?

In case you haven't noticed, I took another brief break from blogging - say that five times fast. In any case, I'll put the long and short of what I've been up to below, and then return to my regularly scheduled blogging in full force - I hope.

Throughout the past month or so, I have...

• Dyed my hair bright, candy apple red.
• Seen one of my best work friends get married.
• Brought my laptop back from the dead (again).
• Taken back my job as a part-time bar trivia host.
• Finished or worked on a lot of knitting projects.
• Drank a lot of beer.
• Had one of my favorite people visit me in Milwaukee with her husband.
• Fallen in love with music all over again.
• Had my favorite weekend of the year - the Milwaukee tattoo convention.
• Attempted crafts I never have before.
• Rented a Kindle from the Milwaukee Public Library in an attempt to thwart my hatred of e-reading.

And tons of other stuff! I'll see what I can do to cover all of it in short order, so everyone can go back to reading my blog with this look on their faces:

Get Pretty! - Version 2.0

This week, I wore makeup - eep! - TWICE. In one week! I was surprised at myself. So here's two separate looks, one with a product list and one without.

I wore this to host a trivia show last minute - for nearly a year I've been a part-time trivia host in the Milwaukee area, and I was called on Thursday evening a couple hours before the show was supposed to start (and about four beers into my drinking for the evening) and wound up having to throw something together pretty quickly. The photo sucks, I know.

This weekend - hold your breath - I was asked on a first date! And you know what? It went well, and he actually spoke to me the next day! Perhaps there's hope for me after all! So this weekend I've been taking extra care of myself and actually taking time out for me each day. This was today's look!

I opted to get white trashy with it - that, and I really wanted to rock out my Free the WM3 shirt for one of the last times - unless I craft a revision to it, which I haven't thought too far into.

• Foundation: Cover Girl Clean Oil Control/MAC Studio Fix
• Brows: Dark half of the Clinique Coffee Shop eyeshadow duo
• Eyeshadow Base: LASplash Splashproof Sealer
• Outside Corner: Kat Von D shadow in Prague
• Middle: Kat Von D shadow in Long Distance
• Inner Corner: Kat Von D shadow in Sugar Skull
• Highlight: Kat Von D shadow in Sugar Skull
• Liquid Liner: Kat Von D Autograph Liner in Turbo Lover (currently on sale for $5 at sephora.com!)
• Lashes: Prestige My Biggest Lashes in Very Black
• Loose Powder: Cover Girl Professional Loose Powder

One thing I know I forgot to mention in my last Get Pretty post was how I set my makeup - and this may be strange and do it at your own risk - but I use Aqua Net. Just close my eyes, spray my face, and go. Works as well as anything else. Chap Stick also makes a good eyeshadow base in a bind.

It was also time for new nails, and once again, because I'm addicted, I went for the Sally Hansen Salon Effects Nail Polish Strips, this time in "Wild Child". They're fun! If I felt like having a real zoo on my nails, I'd have paired them with what I have left of the leopard print, but I decided that would be too much. 

That's all I have for this one! Until next time!

Book Club Mondays: "Professional Idiot"

I have always been totally and completely enamored by the stories of others (as I've said). Though it seems like every celebrity and their mother, father, sister in law, and third cousin twice removed are putting out memoirs these days, I decided to try Steve O's Professional Idiot on for size a couple weeks back.

Unsure of what I was expecting, I was a bit surprised by the content. Not by ridiculous stories of getting drunk, high, huffing nitrous and jumping off of stuff, but finding out that the funnyman was born overseas and was a bit of a brat growing up. Brat more meaning that he moved around a lot (his father worked for Pepsi), not that he was basically ADD and got in trouble for fun (which was also true). I loved reading the story of how he found Doc McGhee's hotel room when he was 13 and got to meet Motley Crue, as well as other stories of his youth.

While I was entertained by the brunt of the book, a portion just made me sad. Addiction changes people, never for the better. It is blatantly obvious after reading Professional Idiot that Steve realizes that. I can imagine that writing the book was part of his healing process.

Though most of us know him as a real 'Jackass', the book was (in my mind) a good representation of an underestimated man. While he's made a fortune doing stunts nobody would ever dream of doing and run around like a crazy person for the past ten years, Professional Idiot shows a new side of the 'Jackass' we never knew.