Reading:Pronto by Elmore Leonard. Since I've loved the series Justified (which is based off of Leonard's books) for at least a couple of seasons now, thanks to accidentally watching it on a knit-binge weekend, I always wanted to check out the books. Every time I went to the bookstore (either Half Price or a new bookstore), I could either not find any of his books, or didn't really have time to look. So when I finally found a copy of one of the Raylan Givens novels, I bit the bullet and picked it up. I am really enjoying it so far, and it is likely going to be the cause for a new Book Club Monday post, once I finish it!
Listening to: The Gaslight Anthem's 2012 album Handwritten is playing as I write this courtesy of Spotify. I tend to forget about certain bands or even that they have new music, since I get so comfortable with the music I like! There are a few that I will still pick up a hard copy of at a store on the day of release, but for the most part, I like my Premium Spotify subscription so I can catch a listen of most things. That, and my awful 90's music obsession has taken a turn for the worse - I have 90's radio stations on both Spotify and Pandora, and I'm not even mad about it! The best part has to be that I never knew how sexual most boy bands' music was back when I liked it - probably for the best.
Thinking about: How I need to make a change with some aspect of my life. I have a great job and a nice apartment, but I have really been thinking about meeting some new people. A big part of everyone's life is friends, and I don't have many in Milwaukee, though I have been here since about 2008. There are some good summer events coming up, though, so I hope that if I put myself out there enough, it will be for the best and I'll get to meet some new faces. It's a struggle, especially as an adult in a city where I only have work friends, but I am going to do my best with it for once, instead of just clamming up and not feeling good about myself because of it. Can't know if you don't try!
Eating: Every day when I get home from work, I have to have flatbread or pita and hummus. It is probably my favorite snack as of late, and I'm almost out of hummus so it's good that I have to go to the store in a couple of days!
Watching: I got another free 3 months of HBO thanks to U-Verse, so I re-upped it to watch the new True Blood season. With that, however, comes use of their On Demand channel, so I've been watching some documentaries and newer movies, as well.
Loving: My sleazy new aviator sunglasses! They make me look hilarious. I have a great habit of smashing every pair of sunglasses I've owned the past few years. Whether accidentally breaking a stem off in a jacket pocket or breaking out lenses, I've done it all. Knowing I was going to be driving a lot this weekend, I decided to check out some of the junky ten dollar sunglasses Walgreens had to offer. I found this pair and brought them to the checkout, where the clerk told me they were buy one get one free! So I got these and a pair of black and mint colored plastic ones. I swear, it's the little things in life that get you by - sunglasses or not!
Sitting in bed with a sleeping cat, ready to go to bed myself, and decided to write a little note to just say that I am still alive. See, I've spent the last few months learning how to live again. As dramatic as that sounds, its' true.
It ended with a text message that read 'you are dead to me'. I knew it was over from there. Packed up, moved out, and I was left with the haunted house. Not haunted, literally, but haunted by the love that once lived between these walls. Haunted by what used to be and what isn't anymore. Instead of staying friends, I decided that for me, for my own sanity, it was better to cut all ties. I didn't want to play games, and I didn't want him to, either.
For everyone that thinks that it's easy to break up with someone you lived with, let me just tell you that it isn't. It sucks. Coming home to what looks like a ransacked living room, that only looks that way because the couch, TV stand, and TV are gone, and all that's left is a pile of cable boxes and the line in the carpet where his couch used to be. I rented a Rug Doctor like an adult - got rid of all the stains, as good as a chalk outline so far as I was concerned. The outline of the death of our relationship.
Before thinking that I'm wallowing in some sort of self-pity over here, let me just say that no, that isn't the case. In the two or so months since this has happened, I've gotten promoted at work, got a new car, and have a moderately successful handmade business. All in two months. I don't have time to wallow - hell, I barely have time to work some days! I'll leave you guys with a few pictures from life these days - and promise that I'm working hard, as my show schedule slows down, to get back to writing. It's not something I like not doing. It feels like something is missing, to me, and I'm more than ready to get back to the way life should be.
An amazing sunrise on my way to work!
A recent show's booth setup.
The crazy waves here in the MKE due to Superstorm Sandy.
Cupcakes I made as a Halloween surprise for the shop - I made a little mess with the frosting, as usual.
My Day of the Dead makeup from hosting trivia on Halloween night!
In the time I've tried to be more serious about blogging, I've come to realize a couple of things: I've been sticking to doing about two different posts, and that's it (those being my Book Club Mondays and How To Tuesdays). That isn't all that I want out of this blog, however, so I came up with some great new ideas that I'm very excited to share with you!
First off, I'm going to continue to do Book Club Mondays every Monday, but am going to take a break from How To Tuesdays every week, and instead going to do them every two. In the meantime, I'm bringing in a new bi-weekly post called How I Blog - filled with motivation and my own ideas to stay motivated, and hopefully help someone else!
Besides all that, I'm bringing back Get Pretty posts of various makeup looks, and also Get Pretty Reviews, where I review some of my new (and old) favorites!
Among all of those new things, there are still others that I want to keep secret. According to my calendar, there will be a post every day for the entire post of July, and I'm going to do everything that I can to stick to that plan!
Un-blog related, but I'm also planning to do something really special with that novel I wrote a couple of years ago... stay tuned for more!
As much as we like to think we know what's coming, or what's going to happen, we don't. Everything was planned out, I had a future to plan for... and it was all taken away from me.
Now, I'm back to the drawing board, back to being by myself and trying to re-create a life I can be proud of. While I don't place blame or wish ill will, it just isn't the right time for us right now. I still have a lot of love in my heart for what used to be. Whether there is a future or not, only time will tell - all I know is that it will not be an easy road.
Please be patient with me while I find my voice again. In the week since this has happened, I have been doing a lot of thinking, a lot of soul-searching.. and even a little bit of crafting. Trying to re-build a life on my own, rather than a life with another person.
Thank you so much for continuing to read, and continuing to care. I appreciate it more than you know - and this is definitely not the 50th post I was expecting to celebrate.
Big things are happening at An Epic Liz, and by that I mean I'm nearing my 3,000th page view, and most of this week I have seen over 100 visitors a day! For all of that, and for my 12 followers, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to check out my little corner of the internet and read about my life.
Because of this, I decided to start up a little ol' Facebook page (mostly to save my friends who aren't interested in my blog the headache of seeing my posts all the time)! You can find that at...
Last week, I went on a little thrifting adventure after
work, and wanted to share! Milwaukee
is a wealth of little shops here and there, some quality, some not so much.
Then, you have the big-box thrift stores like Goodwill, where sometimes you’ll
score on clothes, but not much else. When I thrift, I am usually looking for
something to add to my religious art collection, craft supplies like embroidery
hoops, or keeping an open mind (and open eyes!) for other fun, unexpected
finds. I wanted to write this post and share a couple of my favorite thrift
shops with you guys – as well as last week’s buys!
Likely my favorite shop in Milwaukee (at least the one I go to the
most), is located in Hales Corners, a suburb, but is just a short drive down
Highway 100. It is a Bethesda Thrift Shop, and there are twelve in Wisconsin, but this is the only one in the Milwaukee area. I love it
for a couple of simple reasons: I always find something great, the items are
always priced well, and the store is absolutely immaculate! There is nothing
better than that when you’re out thrifting. I found a couple of great wall
hangings featuring handpainted style kitties! So kitschy, but I couldn’t turn
them down. I also found an old spice rack that I plan to repurpose for an upcoming How-To Tuesday!
A second favorite is also located on Highway 100! While it
doesn’t donate to a particular cause and is for all intensive purposes a
for-profit thrift shop, there’s something a little bit different about it…
There are Barbie dolls everywhere! On the walls, lining
shelves, everywhere. There’s no rhyme or reason to it, they’re just there.
I don’t typically have great luck here, but still like going
in to poke around all the same. On last week’s trip, I found this adorable Enesco
cookie jar with squirrels on it from the 1970’s! It was in great shape – best part
about the buy was I couldn’t find the price (they typically write on the items
with a grease pencil), so the store’s manager priced it at $6.50, and we
eventually found the price, and it was initially marked $10! Such a cute, great
find.
If you are in the Milwaukee
area and looking to check out a couple of different thrift shops, these are
definitely a couple to look for!
Have you gone thrifting lately? What have you found?
A couple of weeks ago, I was perusing the lovely Allison's Crafted Love, got inspired, and saw a post I definitely had to try! Check it out - the ABC's of me!
Age: 26 Bed Size: Queen Chores that you hate: Scrubbing carpet stains! Dogs: Don't own any, but don't mind them. Essential start to your day: Diet Pepsi. Favorite color: Red or purple. Gold or silver: Silver or white gold. Height: 5'6" on a good day. Instruments you play: Currently, none. But I have played saxophone, clarinet, and made a sad attempt at guitar when I was 15. Job title: Inventory Control Assistant III, or 'parts department'. Kids: Don't have any that aren't feline. Live: In Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Mother's name: Linda. Nicknames: None that I can repeat and not seem like a heathen! Overnight hospital stays: None, surprisingly! Pet peeves: Lots of questions in a row, people that drive 5 miles under the speed limit, and the list goes on. Quote from a movie or TV show: Off the top of my head, "If you ain't first, you're last" from Talladega Nights. Righty or lefty: Righty. Siblings: No full-blood siblings, but I have a half sister who is 14 years older than me. Time you wake up: My alarm goes off at 6 AM 5 days a week, but I don't usually get out of bed before 6:30. Underwear: I wear it, yes. Veggie you hate: I don't know that I really hate any veggies in particular. I'm not a big fan of slimy foods - maybe beets? Yeah, beets sounds good. What makes you run late: Typically, crappy traffic or inclement weather. X-rays you've had: Countless X-rays on ankles and wrists as a kid, and one CAT scan after hitting my head at work a few years ago. Yummy food you make: Simple birthday cakes with all kinds of crazy colors. Zoo animal: Giraffe! I always make the joke that giraffes are my power animal, and I have a huge one tattooed on my calf!
It is absolutely no secret that one of my favorite things to craft with is Mod Podge. It's so simple and quick to make pretty much anything awesome out of this awesome brush glue. As a kid, I started saving my movie tickets. That led to saving my concert tickets. Fast forward to a little earlier this year: I was sick of taping my concert tickets to every refrigerator I've ever had, so I wanted to do something else with them. I remembered that I had a canvas and some Mod Podge and voila!
You will need:
A pile of old tickets (it doesn't need to be concert tickets)
Mod Podge, either Matte or Gloss original, and the purple-labeled Hard Coat
An old brush or sponge applicator
Canvas to fit as many tickets as you have
It's all pretty simple! Here's your steps!
Grab your tickets, canvas, brush (or sponge) and Mod Podge.
Organize your tickets however you deem fit on your canvas (I did one large rectangle, then a smaller one, and a smaller one yet, etc.)
Use your original Mod Podge (with either the yellow or orange label) and lay down some glue on both the canvas and the ticket. I would do one rectangle at a time.
Once your entire canvas is covered, I'd do a layer of the Hard Coat just to make sure none of the edges come unglued.
Hang up and enjoy!
One tip I will give you on this is not to use a hair dryer to try and get the glue to dry faster. I did it (as you can tell from the random black splotch), and it changed the color of the heat-sensitive paper.
And there you have it! Another fun way to use Mod Podge. Let me know what you did with yours in the comments, check back next week for another How-To Tuesday, and don't forget to follow if you're enjoying what you're reading!
Let me start by saying, I don't like writing negative, sad posts. I want my blog to be a fun place to check out new music and books, learn something, and read about my silly little life. As I'm sure you know, life isn't always rainbows and sunshine.
Two days ago, I had to put down TK, one of my kitties.
She had been in failing health for about a month, stemming from some extreme weight loss that I had initially attributed to stress from our recent move. I brought her to the vet, where I was given a bit of a shock - that she was in pretty late-stage kidney failure. They told me I could put her down, or give her subcutaneous (under skin) fluids and special food and see how she did. Well, for awhile she did okay. She was back to not eating again the last few days of her life, and she was very lethargic, and I was force feeding her just to get her to eat. She stopped using the litter box, and I found blood in her mouth on Wednesday night, and Mike told me that it had taken him about ten minutes after getting home for him to find her, which wasn't normal for her. I knew that there was nothing else I could do. Her quality of life was gone, and I truly felt that when I looked in her eyes that she was giving up. I couldn't blame her. For a small-statured, five pound kitty, she had a lot of fight in her.
The decision to do what I did was one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make in my life. If you have ever done it, you know exactly what I mean. Through tears, I called my parents and asked what they would do, and I decided to bring her to the emergency vet, knowing that I more than likely would not be bringing her home. My mother gave me some advice - "you have to love her enough to do it".
Love between an owner and pet is unconditional. No matter what happens, as an owner, you fall in love with these little creatures so hard that it's impossible to imagine your life without them. And when I imagined my life without TK, I was overcome with sadness. I also realized, though, that it was not a time to be selfish. I needed to do what was best for her.
Through tears that I never thought would end, I said goodbye to my little girl late on Wednesday night. The staff at the clinic were wonderful, and gave me as much time as I needed with her, to tell her how much I loved her and how I knew that she was in pain. I told her that I did not want her to hurt anymore, and, through tears (much as I am while recounting this story), that I would always love her. As the vet came in, I held her to my chest like she fell asleep every night, and before I knew it, she was done suffering. I held her for a few more minutes, sobbing into her fur and knowing that it would be the last time I would ever touch her.
I wanted to memorize the way her fur felt beneath my fingers, the way her meow sounded in comparison to other cats I've known. More than anything, I wanted to remember how she was when she was healthy, before the illness took over. Following me around, chatting about her day, and always making sure I was okay. I never had to say anything to her when I had a bad day, she just knew. The way she would crawl onto my chest and headbutt my face was something I'll likely never find again, and something I will miss most of all.
While the tears still flow here and there, I know, and sleep easily, knowing that her pain is over, and she's in a happier place. She was a happy kitty, and she would want me to be happy, as well. Those are the thoughts that get me through. She will always be my little meow-meow.
It seems a little bit silly to be writing a post about the fact that my relationship has lasted as long as it has. In certain ways, it shouldn't really matter - if it isn't a year, or two, or six, it doesn't necessarily feel like a huge achievement. But it is definitely one of those milestone things... especially for a girl like me, who usually has a relationship timeline of around three or four months.
Things always happened and former relationships imploded on themselves in a matter of months. Once you start getting to know somebody, you naturally want to get more involve, and if the other person is not at the same place, you wind up at a standstill, and nothing good can come of it. You pick up, dust yourself off, and try again. Trial and error.
From day one, Mike has been incredibly patient. The week we started talking and decided to get into this whirlwind of a relationship was the week I found out about my melanoma... so needless to say, and not to take a page out of Fight Club, but he met me at a very strange time in my life... a la Marla Singer. He has taught me a lot of things, including that it really doesn't matter how much makeup I wear or how bad my breath smells in the morning.. he loves me the same either way. He has taught me that it is okay to just be me, unscripted and unrestrained... and he is okay with that. I love being able to love that way.
So, what I've learned, numbered for your convenience:
Love unconditionally. There are definitely some days when I want to punch a hole in Mike's face. I'm pretty sure that happens in every relationship. I just do the best that I can every day to show him how much I care.
The past is the past. For the longest time, I felt myself being compared to all of his exes thanks to constant conversations about them. It made me feel bad about myself. Eventually, I realized that those issues aren't mine, and isn't my concern.
Never go to bed angry. Getting back to my first point - getting in an argument is bad enough, but if you don't agree to disagree before going to bed, don't think for a second that it won't continue to haunt you. You won't sleep well, and the bad feelings will continue. It's better to apologize and get on with your life.
Don't lose yourself in the relationship. I still fight with this one to this day. I am still learning how to be Liz, and do all of the things I loved to do before meeting Mike, like knitting, writing, and my other hobbies.
Be best friends. If I don't hear from Mike throughout the day, it doesn't feel like it's going to be a good day. Each and every day, I hear from him several times, mostly to ask how my day is going. To ask what I want for dinner or tell me how he did on a test in school. It just makes me feel loved.
Be patient. Everything else is tied to this one, for sure. Learning to love, and forget about the past, and stay together with an open mind is difficult. Every day, it gets easier and easier.
Love is hard work. It's up to us to make the best of it.
On the heels of finally telling the story of my own struggle with Melanoma, I've signed up to do the 3K walk portion of the Ann's Hope Foundation Block Melanoma Run/Walk on May 30, 2012. The event will take place at the Milwaukee Zoo. In my decision to do so, I've donated, and several of my friends and family have, as well. If you've got a few bucks to donate to a great cause, please don't hesitate to do so at my donation page, located here!
If you have any questions, or if for some reason the link isn't working, please shoot me an e-mail at grenadesallday@gmail.com, and I will be happy to help you out.
Six months ago this week, something happened to me. Something that I've been working to rationalize but haven't wanted to talk about, but that needs to be discussed so awareness is raised.
On October 10, 2011, I went to the dermatologist where I was informed that I had a cancerous melanoma on the back of my left calf. A few weeks before that, at Milwaukee's yearly tattoo convention, I looked down at the back of my leg, where I have a tattoo of an owl, and noticed a spot in one of the owl's eyes that didn't look right. The skin looked shiny, and the edges of the area weren't even whatsoever. It was a spot I knew hadn't always been there, so I checked out a photo from when the tattoo was fresh, and of course, the spot was not there in the photo.
(On the left is a photo of the fresh tattoo, and on the right is an awkward photo of the spot I found - the only photo that exists).
Growing up, my mother took me to the dermatologist several times to have moles removed, so I figured this was going to be no big deal. I made an appointment with a local dermatologist (after calling about four), went in for a biopsy, and waited to get my results. The doctor said that it didn't look good to him, but I tried not to think about it and tried to have a positive attitude about the whole thing. Went to work each day and didn't think much about it, to be honest.
On the afternoon of October 10th, I ran to a thrift store after work to buy a stupid Rod Stewart t-shirt I'd seen there that past weekend. My phone rang, and it was the dermatologists' office. They told me I needed to get to the office immediately, but couldn't tell me why. Until I pressured the nurse to tell me what she was calling me to tell me, which was my worst fear - that the biopsy had come back positive for melanoma.
Let me tell you one thing: nobody wants to get a phone call finding out that they have cancer, and I absolutely would not wish that feeling upon my worst enemy. I was diagnosed with a Stage I Melanoma, which meant that the melanoma itself was less than two inches thick. Thankfully, due to that, I would not need radiation or other cancer treatment, just surgery.
(Left is the faxed report of the dermatology findings of UCSF, and to the right is one of the in-shock e-mails I sent to one of my bosses)
I made the normal phone calls - to my dad and my bosses, and I honestly believe that I was in shock when the calls were made. I tried to act like it was no big deal and like it didn't bother me, until I broke down on the phone with my father about how terrified I was to recover alone. It was decided then that I would stay at their house in Green Bay to recover, just to make it easy on everyone.
Going into the office, I found out just what the surgery would take, and it was somewhat simple - they would need to excise an inch of skin around the spot itself, including the spot, in order to verify they got all of it. This wouldn't be a huge deal, spare the fact that I would lose a huge piece of the tattoo I had on my leg. At first, it sucked to realize that I had spent money on a piece I wouldn't get to enjoy at its' fullest forever, but at the same time I knew that it would serve as a reminder of what could have happened if I would not have been as observant as I was. The fact that I looked down at my leg that day and realized that something wasn't right is something I still don't know reasons behind, but that I am very thankful for. In the photo to the right, you can see the spot (in the eyeball), and the inch margin around where it needed to be removed, as well as the football shape so they could put my leg back together. Thinking about that kind of surgery was honestly terrifying. I had no idea what would happen, and I knew I had to try and spin it the best way I knew how - so that's precisely what I did.
The guys at work were helpful in keeping my spirits high when I was at my lowest. I got so many texted jokes and little notes left in my office, that it made me feel special, and like they cared. Lord knew I needed it.
Surgery day came and went, and all I had to do was take care of my incision and all of the crazy bruises that went with it. Being babied by my parents at 25 years of age felt a little bit ridiculous, but I knew they meant the best. I was only out of work for around a week (I don't know that I could have taken anymore), and since then, I've been given a clean bill of health.
For two years after being diagnosed with melanoma, I will have to go to the dermatologist every three months to have a full body skin scan, and after the first two years it would go to six months, and then a year. Once you've had one melanoma, your chances of getting more increase exponentially. In my first appointment post-operation, I had a second spot looked at, that - thankfully - showed no abnormalities.
All I have to show for my experience is a dent in my leg, a scar, and a story. A story that I hope will help others to not have to endure the same things I did. What I can tell you is very simple:
Even if you have tattoos, check your skin for any differences. Moles and melanomas can pop up out of nowhere, and just because you have a tattoo doesn't mean you're exempt whatsoever. I sure wasn't.
If you see a spot that worries you, GO TO A DOCTOR. Don't wait and sweep it under the rug. Early detection is the best way to get the best results.
Don't keep the news to yourself if it is something negative. Talk to friends and family, and make sure everyone understands where you're at and what's at stake. It's important for people to have your back, especially in the worst situations.
One thing that many people ask me is, "Liz, what are you going to do with the tattoo?" And you know, I've thought about getting it covered up, or seeing if it could be salvaged - but at the same time, having that constant reminder of what could have been, and how lucky I am, are more valuable to me than that perfect tattoo.
First of all, let me apologize for my silence minus a couple of Book Club Mondays! I have had a whole lot going on, and not a lot of time (or will) to write about those things. Let's make it really easy on you:
A lot of cool stuff is coming. I'm going to pick back up with How To Tuesdays and some of my other weekly stuff, as well as doing special posts and even starting some new weekly posts.
I'm going to start reviewing music as well as books (since it is what I've been doing seemingly forever), and even doing posts about bands that have been long broken up that I never want to fade from memory.
I'm sure there's more, but a girl does have to have her secrets, doesn't she?
How things can change in the space of just a few months is absolutely ridiculous, when you think about it.
After a shitty roommate situation, I finally moved into my own place (not shared with anybody, really mine) in about September of 2010. It was a little one bedroom apartment in Milwaukee's Bay View neighborhood, and I loved finally having my own space and having the freedom to do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. When fallouts with friends happen, they often leave scars, and this one definitely did.
The moral of this story is, though, that the apartment was the first thing that was really mine. My bachelorette pad, if you will.
I started dating Mike in October, and he moved in in December. That left one cramped one bedroom apartment to house two adults and two cats. Not that I'd go back and change anything, because I definitely wouldn't. I just knew that it was time to grow up and get out. I'd been looking around for places here and there, and found one through work that we fell in love with. In the middle of February, we moved in, and having the additional space is definitely nice. An entire bedroom to house our hobbies (and of course, the fallout junk from everywhere else)! A living room big enough for two couches! Air conditioning! A dishwasher! The amenities are ridiculous in comparison to my old apartment, that was really only big enough for one person, with its' tiny kitchen and bathroom, and just enough character to get by.
I loved that place. I created so many things there, taught myself a lot of new things craft wise, spray painted in the bathroom, finally got cable for the first time in over a year, burned remnants of a past relationship in the bathroom sink... and you get it. Living in that apartment is not anything I'll ever forget, but I'm glad that I'm getting to experience life as I am right now. Uncharted territory is always scary, but you have to look back to be able to look ahead, don't you?
Photo by Erik Ljung Photography, taken from the Pabst Theater Facebook
Do you listen to a band that you've always wanted to see live, whose music has impacted you emotionally and gotten you through some of your darkest times? I was given the opportunity to see a band that has done just that for me over the past few years.
On Monday, February 6, Mike brought me to the City and Colour show at the Pabst Theater here in Milwaukee. In case you're unfamiliar, City and Colour started as a side project for Dallas Green, then of Alexisonfire. Since, Dallas has been experimenting with doing City and Colour full time, and if the show was any indication, doing very well.
Before going any further, let me just say that before this show, I have never set foot inside the Pabst Theater, although I've lived in Milwaukee on and off for about the past six years. The Pabst is an absolutely breathtaking place to see a show, both physically and from a sound standpoint. A history of amazing shows from nights past bled through the walls as the opening band played, and moreso before the house lights went down for the headlining act. The lights and sound were both impeccable, adding yet another level of enjoyment to an already wonderful night. It didn't hurt that drinks weren't too expensive, either, especially for what I was expecting in going to a more upscale venue.
It was one of the greatest live music experiences I have ever had. I have never had a more emotional reaction to a song than I did on Monday night. It's absolutely amazing how just hearing a song played live can bring up the most intense feelings - something I'd heard but never felt until that night. During at least two songs of the set, tears just poured down my face, and there was nothing I could do about it. The specific songs, for the record, were "Sleeping Sickness" and "Day Old Hate".
As someone who has loved the raw emotion and beauty in the simple songs of Dallas Green since City and Colour's debut, "Sometimes" in 2005, I was completely satisfied by the live show and the set. There was a perfect mix of songs from each of the albums released, and I loved hearing how well they translated into a live show.
Wiping the tears from my face as much as possible, I stood and sang along to every song. I had an honest experience and fell even more in love with some of the simplest, most emotional songs that I have ever heard. And the only thing I can say to that? Thank you, Dallas Green.
Recently, I did an interview for an article in Bound By Ink magazine, but was also interviewed for a blog special on Krysten Bean's blog, The Stifled Artist. It was just posted last night, so feel free to read it here. If you've been directed to my blog because of the article, welcome! I hope to post more often soon, for more of a look into my crazy little life.
I've always been a little slow on the uptake when it comes to being on time for things (in certain avenues of my life), so don't be surprised this list isn't showing up until now. I happened to read this list on my friend DJ's blog at http://martiandanceinvasion.blogspot.com, and thought it would be fun to re-count my last year - even though it's a little late.
01.What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before?
Fell utterly, completely, head over heels in love.
Mike and I, at our crew Halloween party, where I dressed as Miss Argentina from Beetlejuice and he dressed as Mario.
02.Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t typically have new years’ resolutions, so I can’t say I kept or didn’t keep any. This year, I’d just like to maintain the life I’ve been working so hard to build over the past few, and just stay happy. That’s all I’d really like.
03.Did anyone close to you give birth?
Nope.
04.Did anyone close to you die?
Nope.
05.What countries did you visit?
None. The farthest I traveled for a trip was Green Bay, WI – my homeland, which is a drive of about two hours.
06.What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A bigger apartment! And as it turns out, I’m getting one on March 1.
07.What date from 2011 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
There are a few, for sure. For one, the date of the surgery I had in October (10/17/11), and my anniversary date (10/15/11).
08.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Transferring out of a job I absolutely could not stand in order to start from scratch 100% in an area I knew nothing about, and being incredibly successful at it. I went from being a secretary to working in auto parts in a matter of months, and I’m having an absolute blast.
09.What was your biggest failure?
I don’t believe in failures. I can’t think of one thing I didn’t try my best at all year – and sometimes things just don’t go as planned. But I certainly don’t feel like I ‘failed’ anywhere.
10.Did you suffer illness or injury?
In October, I had surgery to remove a Stage 1 melanoma that I found inside of one of my tattoos. That was one of the scariest moments I’ve had in a long while, for sure.
11.What was the best thing you bought?
I can’t really pinpoint anything specific that I bought for myself. Once and awhile, I like to take extra money and spend a little bit on myself here and there for some new clothes, makeup, or something like that. I also paid a lot of debt back this year, and my credit score is definitely better off for it.
12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
The men and women responsible for the Alford plea that freed the West Memphis Three after nearly 20 years behind bars.
13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Scott Walker. As a public employee, I’m living first hand with the changes he’s made, and let me tell you – it sucks.
14.Where did most of your money go?
Bills and paying back old debt. It’s difficult to not have a lot of extra, but when I think about the fact that I’m improving my life, making up for old mistakes, and carving out a future for myself, not having extra money seems pretty alright.
15.What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My new work opportunity, my new relationship… all of the above. I’m finally becoming the person that I’ve always wanted to be, and it’s a wonderful feeling.
16.What song will always remind you of 2011?
I hate questions like this, because I can never think of a single song that encompasses a whole year. This time, though, I can say that The Loved Ones’ “Distracted” got enough listens to merit reminding me of this year.
17.Compared to this time last year, you are:
a.Hotter or colder? Prettymuch the same.
b.Fatter or thinner? See above.
c.More active or lazier? See above.
18.What do you wish you’d done more of?
Being active.
19.What do you wish you’d done less of?
Toward the beginning of the year, drinking – once I curbed that and changed things for the better, I haven’t looked back.
20.How will you be spending/did you spend Christmas?
Mike and I spent Christmas Eve in Green Bay with my family for dinner, and Christmas Day in the morning with my extended family and evening with his. It made for a very long day, but it was good to be able to make the time to see everyone.
21.Did you fall in love in 2011?
That I did.
22.How many one-night stands?
Zero.
23.What was your favorite TV program?
Sons of Anarchy, bar none. I started watching it via renting season 1 from the library early in the year, got hooked, and wound up watching all three existing seasons before season 4 started this past year.
24.Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Not that I can think of.
25.What was the best book you read?
Currently reading “My Horizontal Life” by Chelsea Handler via Kindle.
26.What was your greatest musical discovery?
In late summer/early fall I really re-discovered punk music, so I’d say that counts. I’ve been staying pretty close to the music I know lately, since new music (especially music on the radio) is absolutely awful. I’ve also taken to unabashedly falling back in love with ridiculous music from the 90’s.
27.What did you want and get?
I’ve wanted a Nintendo Wii for years, but never had the extra money laying around to actually buy one. I told Mike this while we were shopping on Black Friday and opened one up for Christmas!
28.What did you want and not get?
I try not to want for much.
29.What was your favorite film of this year?
Pretty sure it doesn’t count, but The Other Guys was pretty great. I haven’t been to the movies in a long time.
30.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Since my birthday was on a Saturday this year, I had a Friday night dinner and bowling with friends in Milwaukee, and spent Saturday night drinking my face off in Green Bay. I turned 26 – or rather it was my 5th annual 21st birthday.
31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Thinking about it, I’d say I had a pretty successful, satisfying year.
32.How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Jeans, t-shirts, shades of gray and black. I’d say that about covers it.
33.What kept you sane?
Knitting, new friends, and new opportunities. Oh yeah, and my cats.
34.Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I try not to get too wrapped up in the celebrity world.
35.What was your favorite video game of the year?
It has been such a long time since I’ve played any new video games, I really couldn’t say – after I got my Wii, though, I started playing Cooking Mama again, which is pretty ridiculous in and of itself.
36.Who has made the most cameos in your dreams this year?
To be honest, I don’t dream all that often, and none of them stick out.
37.Who did you miss?
In quitting drinking for the most part, I’m not up in Green Bay as often as I once was, so I miss my friends there and my family, for sure.
38.Who was the best new person you met?
My boyfriend, Mike. By a landslide.
39.Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
Drinking isn’t everything, and finding friends to rely on has helped me more than I can explain.
Words have always meant the world to me. They have been my only friend, my solace, and my weapon when I needed one. Being able to write down my thoughts and feelings, even if only for my own eyes, has always brought me peace. In recent years, that peace has been disturbed and replaced with the turmoil of the worst creative block I have ever lived with.
Growing up, I always carried pen and paper with me. If I needed to jot down an idea that came into my head, I would refer to it later. I would refine and mold those ideas into something either spectacular or awful, though I was the only judge, since most of my works didn't reach the eyes of others until many years later.
I grew comfortable writing stories about other people - their struggles, their strife, their accomplishments. Writing someone else's story makes it very easy to forget your own, and unfortunately, I fell victim to that trap. While promoting the works of others, I forgot about myself.
At twenty-five years of age, I am now five years from my last nationally published writing work. Tonight, I broke out my paper portfolio and flipped through the pages, remembering how it felt every time I ran to a bookstore in search of one of my pieces. I would look through the magazine racks in calculation, looking for that fresh, crisp cover. Once I had it in my hands, I would flip through each and every page until reading my name. I didn't care about the editing or how my words may have changed. Seeing my name in something that reached beyond either my computer screen or shelf of notebooks was, and has always been, incredibly surreal. It has given me a sense of accomplishment unmatched by anything before or since. It has been everything to me.
For years, it was my identity. I was hungry to do more and be more, though continued to write humbling album and product reviews and sidebars. I grew complacent. Once in a great while, I would receive e-mail from an editor or reader praising my work, and even asking how I got where I was. It was both refreshing and inspiring, and I have always loved to share my experience with others.
Writing has never been easy for me, especially not emotionally. In recent years, I fell victim to the trap of not feeling good enough, not wanting to put myself out there in fear of ridicule or negativity. I have struggled since my last article was published in 2008 to shut off the part of my personality that has grown to need that validation.
Apparently, that switch is irrevocably broken.
In order to regain my comfort and focus, I opted to start at the beginning of my freelance writing career once again - AMP Magazine, based out of California. I picked up an interview for their upcoming issue, and will be working on that in the week to come. The familiarity of working with someone I grew used to as an editor, and the routine of a magazine I got to know very well makes me feel safe. I know what I'm doing, as I've done the same thing many times prior.
Not long after taking on this project, I sent off an e-mail to a fellow freelancer about taking part in a tattoo-related article she is working on for another publication - an article that has become near to my heart in the past weeks, certainly. Just this evening, I was on the receiving end of interview questions. Once it was finished, we planned upcoming collaborations, as well. Keep your eye on this space, as once I have more information I will be happy to give it.
Even if you give up on your story, your story will never give up on you. Don't get bored. Keep doing what you love, no matter what anyone, and most of all, your head tells you. Life life with head held high. Get rad and stay that way, it's the only way you'll survive.
